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Visit From the Marriage Auditor


Imagine you received a phone call that went something like this:  “Mr & Mrs Herald, we need to make an appointment with you to do a ‘Marriage Audit’.  Can we make it 8.00pm tonight?  Thank you.  See you at 8.00pm.”

Marriage Audit?  I’ve heard of a tax audit, but what on earth is a ‘Marriage Audit’?  8.00pm comes and the ‘Marriage Audit’ team arrive.  For 30-45 minutes you both answer the following probing questions.

  1. If you had to marry again your existing spouse, why would ‘you’ feel suited for the position?

2. Why does your marriage need you?

3. Why do you ‘want’ to be married to your spouse?

4. Name 3 values, benefits, contributions you bring to your marriage?

5. What is the difference between you now than when you married?

6. What did you do to improve your marriage in the last 7 days?

7. Would you be difficult to replace in your marriage?

8. How would you describe your marriage in one sentence?

9. When did you last fail to fulfil some small aspect in your marriage?

10. Why do you want to serve your partner?

11. In what ways is your marriage an example of a ‘great’ marriage?

12. If my spouse would share honestly, what would they say about ‘my’ contribution to the marriage?

13. What areas are you personally currently working on to improve the relationship?

14. The Big Question:  Pretending you were never married, would you marry ‘you’ given your answers to the above?

How did you do?  Scary isn’t it?  Yet, if we’re honest, these are the questions we should be asking ourselves on a regular basis.  Ever think about how challenging it is that we often don’t work anywhere as hard at staying married as we did at getting married?  If you could harness the energy of a courting couple you could run a powerhouse off it.

Come on, reverse the tide.  Put some effort into your marriage and have fun on the way.

Ivan Herald

02 9671 6224



Ivan & Pauline Herald have been married for 50 years. They bring over four decades of effective work in marriage and family. Over half a million people have attended their sessions and seminars. Their most recent book is called ‘Marital Physics’.

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