The Depp case highlights the injustice which men often face in our politicised policing and legal systems, tainted by radical feminist and neo-Marxist ideologies. May it open the conversation to restore basic principles of fairness when dealing with the scourge of domestic violence.
“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped,” are the wise words of Tony Robbins.
In the year 2002, my wife and I, and some close friends, were contemplating starting up the work of Dads4Kids to give the children of Australia a better future.
We had been talking about the idea for over two years, but we knew it was a daunting project.
It is easy to say the words found at the bottom of our website, “Building Men — Growing Fathers — Changing Generations,” but it is a mammoth project to commit to.
Growing up mostly fatherless in my early years provided some solid inspiration, but it did not convince me. What got me across the line was a heartfelt story from a young woman who was a dear friend of our family.
One day she came home from school to find her mother bashed unconscious in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor. Her father was the abuser and divorce was the result. She said to me with great emotion, “If you could stop just one act of violence and save one marriage by starting Dads4Kids, it would be all worth it.”
Muhammad Jinnah said, “Think 100 times before you take a decision, but once that decision is taken, stand by it as one man.” That has been the case since May 2002 as we celebrate 20 years of the existence of Dads4Kids.
The team at Dads4Kids is absolutely committed to stopping domestic violence, whether that be male domestic violence or female domestic violence. The facts are: domestic violence by any gender is a scourge on our society.
The best way to turn the tide of domestic violence, whether male or female, is to turn the tide of fatherlessness. Changes over time in the level of father absence in a community, significantly predicts changes in female and male rates of violence.
I have always been aware of female domestic violence. When I was only five years of age, I witnessed my auntie throwing cups and plates at my uncle. Luckily, he ducked very quickly. He could have been disfigured for life.
Many years later in my young teens, my mother scratched my father’s face so badly that she drew blood. My father was a real man, and he knew that real men don’t hit women. Sadly, my mother was not as restrained.
This week has been a sad week for a number of reasons. We got a teary call from a woman whose brother had suffered false allegations from his wife in a toxic marriage breakup. He was robbed of his children as a result, and he was so brokenhearted he committed suicide. Sadly, we have personally heard dozens of such stories over the last 20 years.
The other sadness this week was the announcement of the result of the Johnny Depp case. The sadness was not so much the result, but that the case had to go to court for the truth to come out. When families litigate against each other, no one wins, least of all the litigants.
Thankfully my good friend Greg Andresen found some hope in the sad announcement. The One in Three media release said the following:
“The Depp case has helped raise awareness of male victims of family violence and should encourage many more men to speak up about their experience,” says Greg Andresen, Senior Researcher with the One in Three Campaign, Australia’s national campaign to raise awareness of the existence and needs of male victims of family violence.
“The Depp case should not discourage victims of either sex from coming forward in the future. To the contrary it sends the message that there is a chance that perpetrators of either sex who falsely claim victimhood will have their lies exposed, thus discouraging such toxic behaviour in the future.”
One famous Australian study contrasted spouses’ accounts of episodes of violence by wives with those of their children and the wives’ mothers, and concluded that:
“… women’s allegations of DV were proven to be false. In most cases, the initial allegations of DV were modified considerably by them during the course of the study, particularly when they were faced with the accounts of their children and mothers, admitting in the end that they were neither victims of violence nor acting in self-defence.”
“This evidence and the Depp case highlight the injustice done to male victims by the domestic violence support system in Australia,” said Mr Andresen. “The experience of male victims of family violence is also ignored by many media outlets and when it is covered, they often fail to acknowledge it as family violence…”
The One in Three Campaign is calling upon the new Labor government, in the spirit of governing for all Australians, to review this policy with urgency. They will also meet with Catherine Fitzpatrick, Australia’s first National Domestic, Family and Sexual Violence Commissioner, once she starts her tenure on July 1st.
Members of the One in Three Facebook Community came forward with their experiences of injustice this week.
Amanda Sillars from the Eeny Meeny Miney Mo Foundation said, “Too many people claim they are victims of DV when they are the perpetrator. They will often spread these falsehoods far and wide in the community and tell their stories confidently with emotion and detail. They can be believable to the untrained eye. We need to make these individuals and groups that support them accountable for the harm they cause, and the cost associated with trying to fight these false allegations.”
BJ said, “I went to a police station on Friday and asked to speak to a domestic violence liaison regarding my current order as a male victim. They said the officer only supports females.”
Mother Teresa said, “What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.”
Let us love our children and our families all the more after the sadness of the week. As we said last week, “Love is the greatest force in the universe.”
Yours for more Love,
PS: We can confirm that Darren Lewis from Fathering Adventures will be one of our keynote speakers at the Men’s Leadership Summit, 26 – 28 August 2022. We will announce all the speakers this week. Save the date now!
First published at Dads4Kids. Photo by Elina Fairytale.
My grandfather died when I was 2. Apparently he adored me, and I him. My mum kept some of his pearls of wisdom alive.
One was, “It’s a dreadful thing to come across a bad man, but a bad woman, what do you do ?”
Another was the positive affirmation mum received when she broke a piece of crockery…”Ah lass, if you don’t break a plate once in a while, the chinamen would go broke!”
Simpler times, sure. These were words of a man who was a coal miner, died age 60, ‘dusted’ from his job and the conditions under which he worked.
He lived supporting his family and built in his small way the country we inherit.
How sad that in the decades since his passing everything people like him stood for has been undermined or uprooted by the intellectual who would look upon his family and patriotic values as a joke.
Thanks for your work brother ❤️