Alison: Francine & Byron have excelled in this module. Although we personally know this amazing couple, we have never yet done one of their marriage courses – until now! So we have no idea if they have always produced such thought provoking material.
One of our highlights from this module was their insights on ‘Desire Discrepancy’.
In most marriages there is a desire discrepancy between verbal and physical communication. The low desire person controls the outcomes when this is the case. For example: If my ‘mother tongue’ of intimacy is verbal communication, and Warwick’s is not, then Warwick controls the amount of intimacy we achieve verbally. If Warwick’s mother tongue is physical intimacy, then I control how physically intimate we can become by rejecting or negating his need for sex.
Francine & Byron help us to understand, work through and navigate the Desire Discrepancy that so many couples face.
Warwick: I one hundred percent agree with Alison that this module is particularly good. I mean, the title “Let’s Talk . . . About Sex” is very inviting for a man. Byron & Francine skilfully lead us through the conversation, highlighting that sex really does matter in marriage and that it is more than just another activity to fit into our busy lives.
Byron & Francine point out that when we make it just another activity it tends to go to the bottom of our ‘activity’ list after looking after children, cooking, cleaning the house, paying the bills, watching TV etc, etc, which means that our sex lives suffer. In their online course, The Marriage Kit, they lead us through revealing questionnaires, in which we get to share with each other our frustrations and our joys.
Again, we are learning things about each other we never knew, and it is a very exciting process of discovery. The level of self revelation that their questions induce in us is really quite extraordinary and doing this course is bringing renewal to our marriage.
Dr Bryon & Francine Pirola would argue that if we see sex as only another recreational activity, we damage its real purpose. Sex incorporates many aspects, just like a diamond. It is not only fun, but also deeply spiritual, highly romantic but wonderfully erotic, and one of the best ways for a couple to communicate. I know it sounds simple but this is a profound thought.
Byron & Francine’s insights on the Desire Discrepancy can infuse any disappointed couple with new hope. As Dr Allan Meyer said, “Men live in a testosterone fog and women live in an oestrogen mist.” Men generally long to communicate more through physical lovemaking whilst women generally long to communicate more through verbal interaction and being listened to. When this is overlooked by the respective partners, it creates a doom loop in the relationship. The good news is that when we meet each other’s needs we create a success cycle that perpetuates a vital happy marriage.
A vital, happy marriage produces vital, happy children in more ways than one. Isn’t this what being a good father is all about?
Yours for Smart Loving
Warwick & Alison Marsh
PS. The Date Night for Module 4 looks like it will be fun. Looking forward to squeezing it into the schedule this weekend.
Dr Byron & Francine Pirola not only have invented the Marriage Kit, they are also popular speakers at conferences both in Australia and abroad. Their marriage formation programmes and resources have been adopted in a number of countries including Great Britain and New Zealand. Sign up for the Marriage Kit here.