I have been receiving calls from all over the country from happy men and even more joyful wives.
The last batch of the 10 week ‘Good to Great Fathering Courses’ are finishing up for the year and I am enjoying the stories of ‘Transformanation’ coming from the men who have completed the fathering course.
Let me share a few:
I spoke with a father of two who works in the building construction industry. His dad had left him when he was only five years old. When he was 18 years of age, he tried to track his dad down, only to find out that his dad had committed suicide some years before. This father had done many courses, seen many counsellors and talked to many therapists, some of them very good, but he said The Good to Great Fathering Course was the best by far. I asked him why – this is what he said:
“Getting men together to share their hearts and their stories is always good, but for some reason this course had an even more powerful effect on the participants than anything I have seen before.” He shared how by Week Five, men were sharing their deep sh*t and really getting it off their chests and he could see people getting healed as the words left their mouths.
“Men were getting transformed in front of our eyes”, he continued. “The only way you can get rid of the pain is to actually touch it and share it. It is as you share your story and are listened to, not with judgement, but with true empathy that the healing takes place.”
We both shared our amazement at the stories we had been hearing of transformanation.
One of the course instructors allowed a single dad to join the course, even though it is a course for partnered fathers. Dads4Kids does have a 10 week course for single dads, but we don’t have the resources to roll it out as yet. The Good to Great Fathering Course is a tough course for any dad but is an even tougher course for single dads because there is so much homework and activities that have to be done with your children.
In many instances, because of the biased family law system and the vagaries of ex-wives, the single fathers find that the course just rubs salt into their already open wounds.
When I talked to the course facilitator about the wonderful progress this single dad had made doing the course, I asked for his phone number so I could congratulate him personally. This dad explained how doing the course had completely transformed him on so many different levels and how his children, in spite of the turmoil of separation, were also happier as well.
He told me that his father, who was quite strict, but who he loved, had passed away when he was just a boy of fifteen and how it had left him broken hearted. He told me, with tears, how the course had helped him to heal from the wounds of the past and begin to embrace the future with fresh hope, despite the difficult darkness pressing round about him.
At the end of the conversation I asked if I could pray for him and his family. We both cried together as I prayed for a better future for his children in spite of the pain of divorce.
These are the phone calls I live for.
The last story I want to share with you is the most startling. A grandfather who had been in the army most of his life, and has seen death close at hand in the Middle East, elected to do the course. His daughters are young women in their thirties. This man’s father was a champion boxer and used to beat him.
He was following in his father’s footsteps and was very strict and militaristic. He ended up maltreating his own family, just like his dad had, as he did not know that there was any other way. He was alienated from his daughters, son-in-laws and grandchildren and did not have a good relationship with his wife.
He said to me on the phone: “This course has changed my life. I can see where I went wrong. I have apologised to my family.
They have forgiven me. We have never been closer before, even my son-in-laws love me and they want to do the course next year themselves. They have seen the change in me and that change is changing them. This course has revolutionised my family. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
Transformanation is hard to come by. When you get it, you have to grab it with both hands and hold onto it very dearly. It can come to you by reading books and newsletters like this one, but mostly it happens in the presence of other men who are also on the journey of transformanation.
Only brave men embark on the journey as honesty is the first prerequisite. As it says in Proverbs, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”.
Yours for Transformanation
PS. If you are interested to find out about the toughest fathering course in Australia and perhaps in the world, read the Prospectus here.
Only apply if you are interested in transformanation. Apply here.