Andrew Gray is a top bloke. He’s a business and leadership mentor, and I was honoured to recently film an interview with him (more on that in the coming weeks). Andrew is the real deal, and he has a message for the men of Australia: Masculinity Is Not Toxic!
Our forefathers would roll in their graves (and they’d roll their eyes too if they could) if they knew some 21st-century Westerners put ‘toxic’ and ‘masculinity’ in the same sentence. The truth is that healthy masculinity is a marvellous force for good. As best-selling author John Eldredge writes:
“It was men who stopped slavery. It was men who ran up the stairs in the Twin Towers to rescue people. It was men who gave up their seats on the lifeboats of the Titanic. Men are made to take risks and live passionately on behalf of others.”
Most men are good, not ‘toxic’, and are doing their best to make the world a better place. Dads4Kids completely rejects the notion of toxic masculinity. To be fair, bad men do exist, but so do bad women. As friend of Dads4Kids Bettina Arndt so adroitly says: “No gender has a monopoly on vice,” something we would all be wise to remember as we muddle along.
In a YouTube clip from Episode 311 of The Other Side on ADH.tv, Damian Coory makes the case that “boys who are fathered well, or who… overcome absent or bad fathering by themselves, are taught to use their strength for good, to protect women and children.” He argues that, in fact, there is no epidemic of men’s violence today. The latest homicide data from the Australian Institute of Criminology backs Damian up.
Here’s another truth bomb from Andrew Gray: “Men, you have what it takes!” If you are reading this newsletter in a dark place, or if you are feeling discontented with the state of the world, take courage. There is always hope.
Great men like Andrew Gray and organisations like Dads4Kids are here to encourage you. Please reach out to Dads4Kids here if you need support.
Lovework
Watch Andrew Gray’s Masculinity is NOT Toxic video. Share it with family and friends, and make sure you subscribe to his YouTube Channel too. Andrew and his business partner Glaucco Tomaz (another top bloke, who also happens to be my brother-in-law) are creating great content every week to counter unhelpful mainstream narratives. As Andrew says, other men need what you can bring — please support @andrewgraypodcast if you can!
Yours for Healthy Masculinity,
Nathaniel Marsh
P.S. If you’re encouraged by the work of Dads4Kids and would like to help us continue Building Men, Growing Fathers, and Changing Generations, please consider making a tax-deductible donation here.
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Republished with thanks to Dads4Kids. Image courtesy of Alena Darmel.
Hello, I love this discussion about language. We certainly in a season of people seeking to fight for the use of language; both conservatives and progressives. It is important to have dialogue…true dialogue between convervatives and progressives (like they do in yarning circles, that our beautiful First Nations brethren have modelled).
Personally, I think it is absolutely fine to use the term toxic masculinity. There are definitely historically ways where specially men have acted in toxic ways. One simple example, unfortunately one of both of our heroes Mike Bickle has acted in inappropriate ways with women and Foreuneers Church has closed it’s doors and International Prayer Kansas City, has halted it’s ministry for at least a season.
The term doesn’t inherently mean men are toxic. Yes, all men get angry, all men have sexual drives; that is not sinful…in fact scripture says “in your anger do not sin.” But we need to accept there are historical ways where men have used physical power to dominate both men and women alike, and have not applied self control (the boiler plate fruit of the spirit) in conjunction with their sexuality. That’s a fact.
Instead of creating a war of words, around a term that is already part of culture (if you are looking to get rid of the term; that energy would best be used elsewhere); why not develop a discussion about how there is ‘toxic feminity,’ ways in which females exhibit toxic behaviour and lead culture in that discussion? There is so much wisdom in the Christian movement around this; and not just that old story of women’s physical beauty used to tempt men.
Why are Christians on the right of the political spectrum always trying to stop the attacks of progressives, instead of using scripture and Christ as a guide and seeking to improve society. Why aren’t we lifting up women like the Christian Temperance Union and other groups in the suffrage movement that led to the female vote. They were Christians. Why aren’t we lifting up people like William Wilberforce who, with a. small collective led to the end of slavery in Britain. They were Christians? Why are we also putting our energy into fights we can’t win, or having already lost? There is so much energy in the Christian church, especially the prayer warriors; but the leadership models are dated.
For the record, I voted for the plebiscite around marriage equality; not necessarily because I affirm marriage between two women or men, but because I believe in free speech, and right to determination of people. Further, while I that time I still wasn’t sure about my views on homosexuality and scripture; I knew that the political movements fighting against it were wasting political capital on a fight that they were going to lose…and I was right. Also, I was against the ‘Safe Schools’ program; and even agitated with the Liberal Party to generate a program that was anti-bullying in general as a stronger and more partisan approach to the horrifying numerics of suicide and mental health issues amongst gays, lesbians and transgender individuals. But no-one seems to be able to speak into that space either in Australia. Ignoring the statistics is just foolish. Even if someone has a lot of compassion; not honouring the suicide of people first doesn’t represent Christ.
The truth, our society today is a pluralist society which is very similar to the society that Jesus came into. Christendom, and the
Christian west (which is now in decline) was only established when Constantine endorsed Christianity across the Roman Empire and made it official religion. This period ending, if it hasn’t ended already.
Personally, my heart is for the young people and I see very few young people at these political rallies and prayer events. I know why, the rhetoric isn’t connecting anymore; and we are Australian…we are not American. The rhetoric that energises young people in the US (though this number is also dwindling dramatically) isn’t working anymore. The fact that I am the only one of to comment here, on the page of the leader of such significant Christian and political events only proves that point.
I really feel for the Christian elders, like yourself Warwick who have fought so hard for so many. But in the words attributed to Albert Einstein, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”